Full Disclosure

by cindy

Umm, so, um, remember when I wrote how brilliantly my knee replacement was progressing? Um, well, in the interest of full disclosure (and also because I only have a little bit of time and I haven’t posted lately and I don’t want to lose my remaining readership however few many they may be…) I feel I should write a brief upate.

In short, I developed a serious, as in SERIOUSLY PAINFUL, tendonitis along the side of the leg with the newest knee. I was doing so damn well. And, ahem, I was, well, maybe, possibly, bragging a little. Or a lot. Loudly. I admit it: if you had ears and were within 4 1/2 miles of my voice, you heard me. Bragging. And do you know what happens to braggarts? This is what happens:

Me: Wow! I cannot believe how brilliant I am! My leg is healing so phenomenally! It’s as if I never had surgery!! I can do everything I did before and even more! LOOK AT ME! I can (suddenly, exquisitely and brilliantly) dance! I can sing! (No, that didn’t happen…) I can walk a tightrope between tall buildings! I can leap across canyons! I can walk and chew gum (NOW we’re talkin’…) AT THE SAME TIME!

Universe: Hold on a minute, bitch.

Me: Wha? Huh? OUCH!!!!

Universe: ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

I am (with a very meek and contrite tone in my voice) now doing better thanks largely to massive amounts of additional medications. For the life of me, I cannot figure out how the body can sort the chemicals that are currently going down my throat—blood pressure meds, cholesterol meds, knee meds of all sorts and more! As I toss back my morning collection, I picture myself as one of those old-time coin sorters:

“ok, you go down this way and head right to the heart, thank you. And you, go in this direction and head to the left knee–no, not the tendon, just the area around the joint, yes, perfect. Oh, hi there! Yes, you scurry along to that silly little tendon she keeps bitching about. Good God! This woman!…”


I am now, finally, back on course with my recovery. And I am recovering with a good deal more humility. Well, maybe not all that humble, really, but I will be sure to whisper from now on.